Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man
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- Create Date：2022-09-04 07:57:13
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- Author：Norah Vincent
- ISBN：0143038702
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Summary
A journalist’s provocative and spellbinding account of her eighteen months spent disguised as a man Norah Vincent became an instant media sensation with the publication of Self-Made Man， her take on just how hard it is to be a man， even in a man’s world。 Following in the tradition of John Howard Griffin （Black Like Me）， Norah spent a year and a half disguised as her male alter ego， Ned， exploring what men are like when women aren’t around。 As Ned， she joins a bowling team， takes a high-octane sales job， goes on dates with women （and men）， visits strip clubs， and even manages to infiltrate a monastery and a men’s therapy group。 At once thought- provoking and pure fun to read， Self-Made Man is a sympathetic and thrilling tour de force of immersion journalism。
Reviews
Julia Clavien
，
There’s a lot of critics saying this book is unscientific， but regardless it’s still a very interesting read about this woman’s experience。
Samantha Blake
，
I thought she made fair observations about what she thought men were like。 It might have had more "punch" if she would have included what her male friends thought of her observations。 Without a benchmark of what a man is， how could her conclusions be accurate？ When she records specifically her experiences as a man， I thought she had valid observations。 Unfortunately， I believe her book needs a sequel that includes what her male friends thought about her experiences。 Also， I believe editing parts I thought she made fair observations about what she thought men were like。 It might have had more "punch" if she would have included what her male friends thought of her observations。 Without a benchmark of what a man is， how could her conclusions be accurate？ When she records specifically her experiences as a man， I thought she had valid observations。 Unfortunately， I believe her book needs a sequel that includes what her male friends thought about her experiences。 Also， I believe editing parts of this book， making it smaller and tighter， would help get her experiences across。 Like others commented， "keep it small and personal， and let your readers draw their own conclusions because many of those grand philosophical statements were based on pretty shaky anecdotes。"Vincent passes for a man for over a year and a half， with breaks in between （for her sanity）， and writes about her experience。 The problem I had is that by sharing her experience dressed as a man， she， therefore， believed that all men have the same reaction as she did。 She made several assumptions about what it must be that all men went through， which may not be true without antidotes from a real man （her male friends） to validate whether her observations rang true。She does date women and even manages to take some to bed after she informs women that she's not a man but a woman。 Her outing to a men's group that seemed very homicidal and scary seems weird。 Sadly， I have to believe （hope） that these men were trying to rid themselves of the demons they carried， which were not what she assumed was what men really thought。 。。。more
Caedyn Busche
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A transphobic dog-whistle for trying to reinforce binary gender roles through assumption and playing the victim。 If you feel like being angry， read this book。
Elise
，
Glib and binary， but interesting nonetheless。
Lut Mertens
，
Ik las het boek in het Nederlands waarin het onder de titel 'Onder mannen' verscheen。 Een vrouw die als een soort antropologisch experiment zich 1，5 als man voordoet en zo infiltreert in de mannenwereld。 En wat ze daar ontdekt。 Hoe mannen zijn？ Hoe zich dit verhoudt tot vrouwen？ Conclusie is dat vrouwen en mannen in een paralelle wereld leven。 Een boek dat je doet nadenken。 Ik las het boek in het Nederlands waarin het onder de titel 'Onder mannen' verscheen。 Een vrouw die als een soort antropologisch experiment zich 1，5 als man voordoet en zo infiltreert in de mannenwereld。 En wat ze daar ontdekt。 Hoe mannen zijn？ Hoe zich dit verhoudt tot vrouwen？ Conclusie is dat vrouwen en mannen in een paralelle wereld leven。 Een boek dat je doet nadenken。 。。。more
Christopher Sutherlin
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InterestingA strange book， and certainly unique。 It is very well written， and I've never ready anything like it。 But it's boring for the last third at least。 And it's hard to take any one person's perspective about all 'manhood' very seriously。 By the nature of the world， she was only able to get a narrow view of the experience of men。 InterestingA strange book， and certainly unique。 It is very well written， and I've never ready anything like it。 But it's boring for the last third at least。 And it's hard to take any one person's perspective about all 'manhood' very seriously。 By the nature of the world， she was only able to get a narrow view of the experience of men。 。。。more
Marjan
，
2。5
Paul Nelson
，
The author， Ned （Norah） Vincent， a lesbian， learned more in 18 months about what it means to be a man than most men learn in a lifetime。 I enjoyed the guts and bravado shown as she becomes a man in various settings: dating， sales， a monastery， a men’s movement group。 I wish that my mentors had read this。 I wish I had discovered it 15 years ago。 In the end， Ned （Norah） suffers tremendously from her experiences as a man。 I think we all do。 I recommend this for anyone wishing to delve into places w The author， Ned （Norah） Vincent， a lesbian， learned more in 18 months about what it means to be a man than most men learn in a lifetime。 I enjoyed the guts and bravado shown as she becomes a man in various settings: dating， sales， a monastery， a men’s movement group。 I wish that my mentors had read this。 I wish I had discovered it 15 years ago。 In the end， Ned （Norah） suffers tremendously from her experiences as a man。 I think we all do。 I recommend this for anyone wishing to delve into places we don’t allow ourselves to go。 How gender roles and programming （biological and cultural） affect men and women and their fraught relationships。 You will be entertained。 You may be surprised。 。。。more
David Barr
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Indulgent read for a man to feel like a victim in the age of feminism。 To be clear though， this is not a misogynistic， “mens rights” kind of book。Author provides great insight into male gender norms and how they hurt both men and women by going undercover as a man named Ned for over a year。
Chanda
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 The book has a lot of good points about masculinity and patriarchy。 Much like Bell Hook's book about masculinity Norah picks up on the responsibility women also have， specifically in the home， of brutally teaching their sons what being a man is about。 Namely through shaming their vulnerability and placing expectations on them to be an adult at too young an age。 She also very compassionately talks about the inability for men to shed their fear of being vulnerable amongst other men or even recogni The book has a lot of good points about masculinity and patriarchy。 Much like Bell Hook's book about masculinity Norah picks up on the responsibility women also have， specifically in the home， of brutally teaching their sons what being a man is about。 Namely through shaming their vulnerability and placing expectations on them to be an adult at too young an age。 She also very compassionately talks about the inability for men to shed their fear of being vulnerable amongst other men or even recognize what their emotions are。My criticism of the book comes from the way that Norah intermixes the good （it's position of examining the ways in which patriarchy hurts men） and the bad （massive generalisations about men and frequent criticism of women）。 She spends several chapters telling us how she （and all women if we knew） is disgusted at the sexual objectification of women by the men she's befriended， something that apparently they can't help due to their 'uncontrollable urges' caused by their gender。 She's accepting of the deceit of her married male friends who lie to their wives but also apparently deeply and truly love their wives （Again they lie because can't help those uncontrollable urges）。 She's frightened by the violent fantasies of her men's group。 Yet 。。。she's also genuinely angry that women are distant， suspicious and unwelcoming when Ned/a man who is a stranger attempts to approach them。 She describes relationships between women as 'catty' and insincere。 She's asking the reader to accept that her observations of the inner workings of men （primarily straight and white） from her experiment can be generalised to the general population of men。 I wonder how different this book would have been had she tried to get a more nuanced perspective of masculinity and looked at the experiences of LGBT+ men。 。。。more
Mary Northrup
，
Vincent takes a deep dive into the world of manhood in this piece of investigative journalism。 She spends months at a time experiencing work， dating， friendship， and more as "Ned" and comes to some surprising conclusions。 Vincent takes a deep dive into the world of manhood in this piece of investigative journalism。 She spends months at a time experiencing work， dating， friendship， and more as "Ned" and comes to some surprising conclusions。 。。。more
Rus
，
My favourite thing about this book is definitely all the negative Goodreads reviews。Saying that…。This was a pretty fun and interesting read。 The author took classes to study differences in how men spoke and moved， amongst other things， then operated like a spy， seeing how men interacted in different environments！Her observations around differences between men and women across the interactions were super interesting and often relatable and it was fun reading as her perceptions were blown away as My favourite thing about this book is definitely all the negative Goodreads reviews。Saying that…。This was a pretty fun and interesting read。 The author took classes to study differences in how men spoke and moved， amongst other things， then operated like a spy， seeing how men interacted in different environments！Her observations around differences between men and women across the interactions were super interesting and often relatable and it was fun reading as her perceptions were blown away as much as stereotypes being reinforced。Read the book then read the GR reviews 😂 。。。more
C
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It was an interesting read。 I might check out her other books。She picked some interesting areas to explore while posing as a man: a bowling league， a monastery， dating， sex clubs （god that was dark）， working low end door to door sales （ALSO dark。。。） and a men's retreat。 She makes a point to give the disclaimer from the beginning that she is not a sociologist and it's not an ethnography， so I felt that placing social-science level expectations on this book would be asking too much。 I would lean m It was an interesting read。 I might check out her other books。She picked some interesting areas to explore while posing as a man: a bowling league， a monastery， dating， sex clubs （god that was dark）， working low end door to door sales （ALSO dark。。。） and a men's retreat。 She makes a point to give the disclaimer from the beginning that she is not a sociologist and it's not an ethnography， so I felt that placing social-science level expectations on this book would be asking too much。 I would lean more towards this as a hybrid memoir/investigative journalism piece。 Keeping it framed in that light， I felt there were some good takeaways and things to think about。 I took some of the conclusions as others did: rather broad。 But again， looking at it as investigative journalism and not a scientific research endeavor， it did not trouble me overly much。 I had a few sticking points that I wasn't keen on （but have already forgotten） and I liked the author。 I liked her reflections about the experience as well as the idea of the project。 That said， I did not enjoy riding shotgun along to the strip clubs - the sex chapter was pretty dark and dismal and she very clearly conveyed the skeezy desperation of the places she was visiting。 I think that chapter and the subsequent observations about sexuality， the dating chapter and the sales job chapters were not a fun trip。 。。。more
Michi
，
I read this book at the behest of one of my psychology professors。 However， it made me so angry that I couldn't finish it。 Maybe I went into this expecting to hate it and that swayed my opinion。 But even now， I can't string my thoughts together enough to write a coherent review。 A lot of Vincent's opinions are just disturbingly conservative and offensive; she seems to be very close-minded about gender and sexuality， despite being a lesbian herself。 She also seems way too forgiving of toxic mascu I read this book at the behest of one of my psychology professors。 However， it made me so angry that I couldn't finish it。 Maybe I went into this expecting to hate it and that swayed my opinion。 But even now， I can't string my thoughts together enough to write a coherent review。 A lot of Vincent's opinions are just disturbingly conservative and offensive; she seems to be very close-minded about gender and sexuality， despite being a lesbian herself。 She also seems way too forgiving of toxic masculinity， not to mention all the ethical concerns that arise with her manipulation of the men and women she came into contact with。 Was this book interesting from a psychological perspective？ Absolutely。 But I can't distance myself enough from the subject matter to read it through that lens。 。。。more
Mariah Landry
，
I enjoyed this， but with a couple critiques。 It was published in 2006 so I imagine she did the work a couple years prior and it does read as dated and in some ways and very pre "me-too" movement in terms of some of her observations and conclusions on the male/female interface。 I would say it's overall a light-hearted， fairly g-rated， take on feminism。 I give her credit that the environments she chose to immerse herself in （bowling group， monastery， aggro sales team， and men's movement） were very I enjoyed this， but with a couple critiques。 It was published in 2006 so I imagine she did the work a couple years prior and it does read as dated and in some ways and very pre "me-too" movement in terms of some of her observations and conclusions on the male/female interface。 I would say it's overall a light-hearted， fairly g-rated， take on feminism。 I give her credit that the environments she chose to immerse herself in （bowling group， monastery， aggro sales team， and men's movement） were very original， unexpected， and enlightening。 I will say that the book takes a very white， American-centric perspective without offering good qualifications on the limitations of that experience。 Her writing style is strong though and easy to keep up with。 Some of the jokes and vocab， and anecdotes are dated and would no-longer be considered to be presented in a PC manner。 But I have to say， most of her thoughts were compelling and well-researched。 Also， her description of the 'break-down' she experienced at the end was raw。。。 Overall I recommend it。 。。。more
Donna
，
Norah realized that she “chose to be Ned somewhat the way a gay person can choose to get married。” We can try to wear “someone else’s shoes， but in the end， we really can never understand what another person truly feels and experiences。 Furthermore， we are always looking through the lense of our own experiences and conditioning。 Therefore， I recommend this book in that the author recognizes that she impersonated a man by deception and still gives the reader plenty to consider whether male， fema Norah realized that she “chose to be Ned somewhat the way a gay person can choose to get married。” We can try to wear “someone else’s shoes， but in the end， we really can never understand what another person truly feels and experiences。 Furthermore， we are always looking through the lense of our own experiences and conditioning。 Therefore， I recommend this book in that the author recognizes that she impersonated a man by deception and still gives the reader plenty to consider whether male， female， straight， or gay， especially if you skip her misguided understanding of Catholics。 。。。more
Ayu Zulhaidah
，
Good
Allan Chang
，
I initially read this book because a friend suggested it and was aware some of Vincent's insights are controversial and triggering。 However， it's a book that was published in 2006; I'd like to believe that in the 15 years， some of her beliefs have changed。Regardless， the observations she gathered from dressing as a man were interesting and worth the read， if just for that。 I would be cautious about accepting everything she says verbatim。 She makes a lot of generalizations and I believe it's thes I initially read this book because a friend suggested it and was aware some of Vincent's insights are controversial and triggering。 However， it's a book that was published in 2006; I'd like to believe that in the 15 years， some of her beliefs have changed。Regardless， the observations she gathered from dressing as a man were interesting and worth the read， if just for that。 I would be cautious about accepting everything she says verbatim。 She makes a lot of generalizations and I believe it's these generalizations that's what is upsetting people。 。。。more
Anita Lopes
，
Dressing up as a man， participating in male groups as a man without anyone noticing， taking the risk someone could and blowing over the cover， takes。。。 balls？ hahaha For that I give at least 3。 One more for opening my mind to the male experiences。 Not that I wasn't aware of it at all， but reading from the point of view of someone I identify with who lived it first hand is valuable。 I cannot give full rate though。 Even though I understand men struggle in this system， they are still the ones repre Dressing up as a man， participating in male groups as a man without anyone noticing， taking the risk someone could and blowing over the cover， takes。。。 balls？ hahaha For that I give at least 3。 One more for opening my mind to the male experiences。 Not that I wasn't aware of it at all， but reading from the point of view of someone I identify with who lived it first hand is valuable。 I cannot give full rate though。 Even though I understand men struggle in this system， they are still the ones representing the powerful decision-makers， which leaves me hesitant （and a bit tired） to how empathetic I should （or could） be。 I do think we need to learn how to communicate though， and Norah conveys that men and women， according to her experiences， are from parallel worlds， and we don't know how to communicate well enough to understand each other。 Our expectations and agendas are distinct。 But it is hard to start the conversation with unbalanced powers。 I've tried at work， for instance， and it was not well received。 If I'm direct， then I'm aggressive。 If I'm soft， then I get "mansplained"。 If I try to explain that my experience from the same situation a male goes through is different， then I am victimizing myself， therefore I become an annoyance and difficult to deal with。 It all makes it very hard to be open to everything it is said in the book。 I'll try， I guess。 Not for too long。 。。。more
Vance Christiaanse
，
I think the world would be a better place if every adult male and female read this book。
Steph Winter
，
What an interesting book！ Vincent ventures into the world of men—in disguise—on an 18 month exploration into what it means to be male in our world。 What she finds shocks her as she realizes that men are pressured by cultural expectations as are women to live by norms that deny/defy their selfhood and individuality。 I have to give a lot of credit to the men I know who have challenged those norms and strive to live in our society as more balanced and emotionally aware people。
M。 Jorasck
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I wanted to like this book more than I did。 While the premise is interesting， I'm not sure anyone passing ever can know what it's like to be the real thing。 I wanted to like this book more than I did。 While the premise is interesting， I'm not sure anyone passing ever can know what it's like to be the real thing。 。。。more
Melanie Fair
，
I would've loved this book if I had read it around the time I added it to my Goodreads shelf， back when I was either in high school or freshly out， before I really had any experience with the opposite sex。But between then and now， I've had relationships with men; some romantic， most platonic， a few familial。 I've watch my father get in touch with his emotions and built a more honest， nuanced relationship with him。 I've bonded with male coworkers， worked late nights alongside them， listened to th I would've loved this book if I had read it around the time I added it to my Goodreads shelf， back when I was either in high school or freshly out， before I really had any experience with the opposite sex。But between then and now， I've had relationships with men; some romantic， most platonic， a few familial。 I've watch my father get in touch with his emotions and built a more honest， nuanced relationship with him。 I've bonded with male coworkers， worked late nights alongside them， listened to them open up about very personal issues。 I've held male friends that have cried into my shoulder and have listened to my boyfriend's mental health struggles。 All this to say that at the end of the day， men and women are both human， and really more alike than we are different。 Maybe it's been the change of society that has helped more men get in touch with their emotions。 Maybe it's the more liberal and alternative spaces I occupy now。 And while some stereotypes still pop up （men are much better at compartmentalized thinking in my experience）， I've drifted away from the "battle of the sexes" rhetoric。 People are people。 So the overgeneralizations made in this book didn't sit as well with the current me and maybe I'm imagining it， but there feels like a certain journalistic smugness behind the author's tone。 The only really nuanced sections were the bowling team and men's empowerment group， the rest were mostly "boys will be boys， girls will be girls， and maybe there's an exception to the rules once in awhile"。 Maybe it's because I've never masqueraded as a man and they've cleaned up their act in my presence。 Maybe it's because I don't hang out in a ton of male-dominated spaces。 Maybe I was hoping for less assumptions about the men she's interacting with and more Mulan-esque hijinx。 Anyway， this book wasn't for me， and I wouldn't recommend it to any feminist worth their salt。 。。。more
Maite Garin
，
Muy interesante。 No es el libro mejor escrito del mundo pero da qué pensar y me llevó a entender a los hombres de mi vida un poco más y a preguntarles cosas que no se me habría ocurrido con anterioridad。 Unico en su especie。
Cassandra
，
Vincent takes us on a journey as she transforms herself into a man。 Vincent， a lesbian woman， decides to see how life is lived on the other side of gender and adopts a masculine look， dress， affect and speech pattern， infiltrating various organizations including a bowling league， men's wellness group and high pressure sales job。 Vincent， as alter ego Ned， dates both men and women。 In most cases Ned is accepted as a biologically born male。 It's likely this book hasn't aged well and it's important Vincent takes us on a journey as she transforms herself into a man。 Vincent， a lesbian woman， decides to see how life is lived on the other side of gender and adopts a masculine look， dress， affect and speech pattern， infiltrating various organizations including a bowling league， men's wellness group and high pressure sales job。 Vincent， as alter ego Ned， dates both men and women。 In most cases Ned is accepted as a biologically born male。 It's likely this book hasn't aged well and it's important to point out that Vincent's observations can seem biased and off kilter。 Perhaps one insight I gained - that is perhaps a minor aspect of the book - is Vincent's sense of fraud at deceiving so many men and women during this exercise。 Vincent openly admits that she required therapy and treatment after she spent six months living as a man and deceiving almost everyone she interacted with。 What we can take from this is that - gender is complicated - and living a gender identity that doesn't feel like it fits you is really horrible for your mental health。 Vincent isn't trying to make a claim about transgender identity or experiences - and the book would be offensive if she did - but her experiences crossing gender lines， whatever her reasons， are no less interesting。 。。。more
Biplob Manna
，
As a man， some of the topics discussed here make sense to me， if only looking at it from a broad perspective。 There were substantial portions which I could relate to， very intimately。 But， for the majority， being from outside the US， I couldn't relate to any of the situations described。 Now， from the standpoint of writing， it feels like a bit too much。 Repetitive sentences， drawn-out descriptions in every line， full of ornamental words not really required， made this more than tedious to read。 I As a man， some of the topics discussed here make sense to me， if only looking at it from a broad perspective。 There were substantial portions which I could relate to， very intimately。 But， for the majority， being from outside the US， I couldn't relate to any of the situations described。 Now， from the standpoint of writing， it feels like a bit too much。 Repetitive sentences， drawn-out descriptions in every line， full of ornamental words not really required， made this more than tedious to read。 I can understand the allure of using pop culture references but it's too much for my taste， especially when I'm not from the US， and can't really relate to most of it。 Lastly， this book is a woman's perspective， with her views and judgements， which is biased with her experience as being a woman， and this should always be remembered while reading the book。 Well， I won't say it was a bad read。 I read it too fast， eager to consume it whole， as if looking to find that something that resonates with my life， but didn't。 。。。more
Mindbait
，
I came to this one based on a couple of books I read a few years back "Black Like Me" by John Howard Griffin， and "Soul Sister" by Grace Halsell - both of those books were written by white people who went undercover as African Americans to see if there was a difference in how they were treated。。。。 SPOILERS - there was。With this book Norah Vincent lived as a man （Ned Vincent） for 18 months， joining a men's bowling league， spending time at a monastery， working for a high pressure sales-team， going I came to this one based on a couple of books I read a few years back "Black Like Me" by John Howard Griffin， and "Soul Sister" by Grace Halsell - both of those books were written by white people who went undercover as African Americans to see if there was a difference in how they were treated。。。。 SPOILERS - there was。With this book Norah Vincent lived as a man （Ned Vincent） for 18 months， joining a men's bowling league， spending time at a monastery， working for a high pressure sales-team， going to a stripclub with other dudes and engaging in online dating。I was slightly apprehensive about the book because I saw interviews with Vincent on youtube being linked in the 'suggested' videos with Christina Hoff-Summers， the FOX stooge whose vlog 'the factual feminist' manages to （a） be neither feminist， nor entirely factual and （b） spends most of its time attacking current feminists and feminism as being silly， frivolous and wrong and pushing a "what about men， they're the real victims" narrative。Vincent's book was good though。 It does （through her experiences） express a certain sympathy for the lot of men， and their victimisation at the hands of toxic masculinity。 Vincent observed the lack of emotional outlets many of the men suffered due to having that form of expression （figuratively and in some cases literally） beaten out of them from a young age， she also experienced the humiliation and challenge of trying to date women as a man （Vincent is herself a lesbian， so had that to contrast with）。She found many of her suspicions about how men behave with no women around to be confirmed （even horribly exceeded） but also found plenty of challenges to her own preconceived views。 Joining a men's bowling league with a bunch of blue collar trailer park inhabitants she came in expecting homophobia and racism but the men seemed not to be concerned with race， and once she revealed herself as a woman and a lesbian they still accepted her， despite the deception， and went on to try and nip in the bud any homophobia they saw in people around them。Her experiences in the monastery largely confirmed her suspicions that the monks would mostly be emotionally repressed， in some cases homosexual men who were looking to avoid what they had been raised to believe were sinful practices by swearing off sex entirely。 In some cases they were heterosexual men who really just didn't know how to interact with or live with women so separated themselves from society。All in all an interesting book。 Hugely affecting for Vincent too， who found that the 18 months of living a lie were too much for her， leading her to commit herself to a psychiatric institution for a time （which in turn led her to write a book about that experience）。 Her summation of the experience was that she had expected to be freed from the 'limits' of her womanhood， but found instead the 'limits' of manhood。 。。。more
Amanda Wallace
，
Wow， what an interesting book。 I thought I knew a lot about gender roles but I learned a lot about them from reading this。 The male gender identiy is a much more complex thing than I thought and this definitely opened my eyes to the benefits and weaknesses being a man in this world gives you。 So much of these toxic traits and behaviours are passed down from family and reinforced through friends， I hope that every man reads this and starts to unpack their own toxic masculinity， then maybe gender Wow， what an interesting book。 I thought I knew a lot about gender roles but I learned a lot about them from reading this。 The male gender identiy is a much more complex thing than I thought and this definitely opened my eyes to the benefits and weaknesses being a man in this world gives you。 So much of these toxic traits and behaviours are passed down from family and reinforced through friends， I hope that every man reads this and starts to unpack their own toxic masculinity， then maybe gender equality can truly be achieved。 。。。more
Damien
，
She may be a lesbian feminist， but she is still typically female in her emotional thinking。 The scope of this book was way too narrow and limited。
ViSaEd
，